


Superhero Sex Talk

by metahomo



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, except for the credit scene, you know the one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 00:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20144704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metahomo/pseuds/metahomo
Summary: Happy goes to check on Peter while his aunts out of town to discover he's not alone. An incredibly uncomfortable conversation follows.





	Superhero Sex Talk

Happy had a key of course, but he knocked on the door anyway. May had asked him to check in on Peter while she was out of town for work. Sure he was old enough to take care of himself but she worried anyway, especially with his dangerous extracurricular activities, so he agreed to stop by and make sure he was eating properly and that kind of thing. He wasn't too worried personally until the door swung open and he saw him standing there awkwardly in his boxers with his hand against the door frame looking extremely nervous.  
"Happy! Hey! Good... good to see you. Um.. why are you here again?"  
"May asked me to stop by and see how you were doing. Make sure you weren't patrolling too much. Everything okay?"  
"Yeah it's just kinda early I wasn't really expecting any visitors and the apartment is kinda a mess so. But yeah everything's fine you can tell May I'm doing fine. Uh I'll definitely clean up before she gets home so no need for her to worry about that."  
Just then Happy heard a familiar voice in the background.  
"Hey do you have any cereal that doesn't have palm oil in it? The palm oil industry is killing the orangutans and contributing to global warming."  
Peter rubbed his face with his hands as Happy pushed past him to see MJ standing in the kitchen wearing nothing but a t shirt and underwear. When she turned and saw Happy she quickly crossed her arms in front of her chest awkwardly.  
"Happy! I am going to go put some clothes on now." she quickly left the room obviously embarrassed. Happy turned to see Peter blushing profusely.  
"We were uh watching a movie and then it was late and I didn't want her walking home at night so she just slept over. I- uh- I took the couch of course like a gentleman."  
"Is that why there aren't any blankets on the couch and you're both half naked?"  
"Uh.. It was hot?"  
Happy wondered how the hell the worst liar in the world managed to have a secret identity.  
"Listen I was naive to not realize you two would be... I mean I knew you were dating and you're at that age.. Are you being safe?"  
"Oh my god. Happy. Please stop talking." Peter put his hands over his face.  
"No you know what this talk should have happened a long time ago. I knew you were curious when you rented that video in Germany but you were so young and we weren't that close yet and yeah you have the internet and sex ed at school but it's not like they're really prepared for metahuman students."  
"Please. Happy. I am fine. I don't need some weird superhero sex talk."  
"Have you had any issues controlling your super strength? I mean if you're not careful you could really hurt her. What about your stickiness?"  
"Happy please I would honestly rather get hit by another train than have this conversation with you right now."  
"No we need to discuss these things. Now I know you might be tempted to use your webs for bondage but-"  
"Jesus Christ! No! I'm not going to use my webs for that."  
Just then MJ came out of his bedroom now fully clothed.  
"You're not?"  
Peter looked at her surprised for a moment before looking back towards Happy.  
"Just please please don't tell May."  
"You know I don't think you really have anything to worry about with your aunt. She's actually really sex positive."  
"Why would you say that to me? I don't want to think about how sex positive she is with you!"  
"Yeah no that's pretty weird, man." MJ piped in.  
"Fine you know what I'm going to go, but if you have any questions about anything you can ask me and I'm sure May would feel the same way."  
"Please just go. I'm begging you."  
"All right all right I'm leaving but this conversation isn't over."  
Happy closed the door behind him and sighed.  
Teenagers.

**Author's Note:**

> I've written like four fanfics in my life and the last one was over three years ago. I do not consider myself a fanfic writer by any means and almost exclusively read it since I always cringe while writing it and worrying everyone is ooc but I've had this idea for a while and I couldn't not write it. I also would just like to say for the record in this fic Peter Parker's jizz is not radioactive. I feel like I can't discuss the effects of his metahuman abilities on sexual activity without mentioning what is quite possibly the worst story arc ever and I hate that but here we are.


End file.
